The Right Word - The Wrong Time

In May 2016 I found myself sitting in the Madison Square Garden Arena patiently awaiting the start of the first ever Hillsong Colour Conference in the States. I brought a friend, we flew from Florida to New York and I sat down with an expectant heart.

As I sat, though a party was happening all around me, something different began to happen to heart within my chest. And though it makes little sense to say out loud, I could physically feel God's hands at work within me. You know that tiny hammer that archaeologists use to chip away rocks on delicate fossils? That is EXACTLY how my heart felt. I know, I know. Weird. But it's true. It was such a real feeling I could almost see it. That feeling wrecked me. I wept the whole first night and the whole next day. The people around me thought a was a lunatic. My poor friend probably did too. I mean I cried the whole time. Each moment of service, no matter how heavy or funny, I cried as He pulled me deeper and deeper into His love.

On the last day, in the middle of the last service God spoke to me about a platform and how I should handle it. A platform that I didn't have - a platform that frankly didn't even have an iota of existence. I laughed as I told my husband about it, joking that I had intercepted His transmission for someone else. I doubted the word because it didn't seem to fit me or my stage of life...AT ALL. He might as well have told me I was going home to become a rocket scientist. So I put it behind me and came home to continue planting our church, raising our sons, and working our business.

Within a few weeks of returning home, my entire life changed. One single Facebook Live video broadcast changed my world forever. I felt like God gave me something to say, so I said it, and in the two months following that moment I had developed an international platform, signed a book deal, and was beginning to travel and speak. 

I don't say that to brag, because it isn't me. It was nothing that I did - it virtually happened overnight. It was all Him. It was not in my own strength, abilities, or even desires really. 

Remembering the word He gave me at Colour, I rested in His grace, and thanked Him for knowing what was in my heart before I did. So here I am. New and very young. Inexperienced and raw. I love people so much it hurts - I pray every day that never changes. I make a lot of mistakes, but each one pulls me closer into the arms of a Father who stretches me and grows me through them. I don't have all the answers, but I know The One who does. Today, I do my best to steward it well, but it's a juggling act. It is my heart's desire to live only to point people toward the hope and love that can be found in Christ, and Christ alone.